“Talk Does Not Cook Rice” Chinese proverb

Have you ever tried to make someone do something and get nothing? Have you ever presented yourself saying things you think are impressive and people were indifferent? At this day and age, people are bombarded with a huge amount of information. The power of word (alone) is useless now, unless you are the owner of a large TV channel. What’s left? The power of facts. People can’t avoid, discuss or reject facts, not for a long time.

Why should you stop talking?

I’m sure you know a lot of people who almost only talk about: what they can do, what they did, what they will do, what they have, why they are right… I could continue because, as you can see, the list includes a large variety of topics, but I’ll leave the rest to your imagination. Do you really think all these people actually do big things with their life? Do you think they are living their dreams? Obviously not. However, they get a lot of social validation from playing the victim role, they are lifelong experts on manipulation. BTW, I don’t have anything against these people, they are just living a reality that is dictated but everyone but themselves. It’s OK, most people don’t have the conscience, the leverage and the courage that takes to walk the self-actualisation path. Don’t blame them, just don’t fall in the same trap.

When you live life like that, you are trapped in a loop. A loop, in behavioural terms, is a series of habits that we end up doing unconsciously, very often in the same order, because you are  getting something out of it. It could be validation, pleasure, ego inflation… anything. It’s a script, a viral program you run unconsciously. If you get lost in the talking loop, you won’t start doing anything except there is some external force that leads you. You never dictate your reality.

There’s only one thing in the world that results more annoying to me than a person without opinion, and that is somebody who always has to express his/her point of view about everything. One of the reasons because I think is annoying is that I myself tend to do that. You probably know a lot of stuff, you have lived a lot of things. Yes, it can be true. Even so, you don’t need to be telling it every damn time. We live in information age, Google exists. If they really want to know what you have to say they will ask. Or is it that you want to get validation from it? Help someone only if you feel like doing it.

When did humanity lost the good habit of talking for the sake of talking? People should stop talking life so seriously and do only what is necessary. The rest should be just for fun. My mate Matt (I know, it seems like a tongue twister) has nailed it with this article.

When there is a important group decision to make, it’s not about not talking, but about talking less. In those serious time, it’s when you should talk serious. Everyone will talk a lot, hold yourself back and think of something that would be useful and will result. Make sure when you talk serious is quality. That’s something I’ve had applied to quite a few important things that need to get done by a work group.

Why should you lead by example?

While most people will be talking about why they aren’t at the level they should be you will be moving forward and taking action. You will be getting things done and forging the legend. Guess who has way bigger success?

Those that surround you will rely on you on tough times. Trust me on this one, when you stop talking and focus on doing things you will get this reputation of the guy who achieves things, even if you don’t talk about it. Well, better said: because you don’t talk about it. When it’s needed others will give you the leadership position. I’ve seen this happen over and over on myself and others. Again, people will sometimes trust words, but will always finally trust facts.

Most people don’t have courage to do things, they need someone who walks the path first. They are used to live life on autopilot. Even when they are asked about random questions, if they can, they’ll wait as spectators until someone takes a decision. Those who take that decision are conditioning themselves to be one of the influences in the world. They will inspire people with their acts, they’ll be the example to follow.

How to stop talking and lead by exampl
e?

I have to say it won’t be an instant change. But hopefully, with my advice you can speed up the process.

  1. Have goals.
  2. Talk less about yourself.
  3. Focus only on the quality of your work.
  4. Stop comparing yourself to others.
  5. Let go.
  6. Remember that this is the first day of a life worth living.
  7. Recognize (don’t judge) the talking loops in yourself and others.
  8. Stop taking life and yourself so seriously.
  9. Enjoy life.
  10. If you want to talk seriously, talk seriously, but say only what is important.

Finally, let people discover what you do. Let them be interested in you, don’t spoil the mystery. From now on, stop talking and lead by example.

The Bizarreness is probably my favourite social tool and the first of an unlimited series of simple short blogs with useful social tips that you can apply instantly.

What is The Bizarreness, Iván?

The Bizarreness is basically bringing to the interaction something that is too weird to be not-funny and that is totally clear that you do it on purpose. It instantly makes everyone around start reacting to you, now you lead the interaction.

Rules:

  • The more bizarre, the more you have to believe in it.
  • The more bizarre, the more fun it is.
  • The more bizarre, the more confused and reactive people become.
  • The more bizarre, the cooler you are.
  • The more bizarre, the more you lead.

Examples:

Someone is trying to make fun of you, but in a friendly way (if not, the bizarre is to cut that person off):

Someone: “I think you are very silly, how can you not know that?”
YOU: “IME, the economy is going downfall, in 10 years we will be walking around like Tarzan.”
Someone (totally confused, now he or she is the one feeling silly): “What are you talking about?”
YOU: “Me Tarzan, you Cheeta.”

Now from there transition if you want to a normal conversation like before, the difference is that now, you are the one leading it. We were obviously not talking about economy first, it could be sports, films or anything.

You are chilling with your friends on a Saturday night:

Friend 1: “Have you studied for the exam we are having on Monday?
Friend 2: “No.”
Friend 3: “Me neither, I will have to study tomorrow, although I will be tired with all this party…”

Now it’s time to drop some out of context quote. My favourites are from The Simpsons, Family Guy, House or some rock song. Every starts laughing and stops thinking.

This same example would serve for when any conversation stalls and everybody is in silence, just drop a quote. One of my favourites, multi-purpose quotes is from Peter Griffin:
When you’re feeling down just go to Imagination Land! Where you fart when you burp, and you burp when you fart!”

Other uses

Another use of the Bizarreness is in the way you express yourself in social nets like facebook and things like that. Fill everything on your profile with Bizarreness. Also take bizarre photos with your friends, you will have fun a lot of fun with it.

You can also wear the Bizarreness. Take something that is fashionable, not weird itself, and make it bizarre. For example: funny t-shirts with texts and pics are a must. You should have several in your closet. Also, if someone laughs about something you are wearing, make what they are saying a reality and exaggerate it. Make it even more weird. What I do a lot of times is to say that they are right, it’s not cool and then take it off. The next thing is to put it on again in the most weird you know, when in doubt just put it the wrong side. Examples of this are a cap, glasses, shirts, trousers and shoes. Remember that the more bizarre the more you have to believe it is the right thing to do. If you do it like that you are the coolest one, if you don’t you are the weirdest. This is basically exaggerated weird self-deprecating humour that only a cool, smart dude would say.

One thing that helped me a lot was to realize that I was a weird dude. Then, I started to be proud of it and the Bizarreness was born. This is about having personality, showing that you are unique and you love you. Remember that the most important thing with the bizarre is that you have to express yourself, not try to impress people. What are you expressing? You express that you don’t give a damn what people think about you, that you are weird and you like it. No, like is not the word… love, yes, you love yourself and that what you are communicating.

Also, if you are like me, you could add sexual content in the interaction. With my friends and with girls I just have the habit of voicing my thought when it’s not a work conversation, so as a lot of my thoughts are sexual I just pop them out. Sexual Bizarreness is good because sex is taboo for a lot of people.

The Bizarreness is something that serves a lot of purposes. When do you bring the Bizarreness?

  • To change topics.
  • To get everyone out of thinking mode.
  • To have fun.
  • To be the one leading the interaction, if you can stay cool with bringing the bizarreness everyone else will be confused.
  • To show anyone else and yourself that you don’t care about making mistakes and eclipse mistakes you may commit later.
  • To show your uniqueness.
  • To get into social mode.

Use it in your next social interaction, be careful it may cause addiction.