Everyday Happiness and Fulfillment.

If you have ever tried to change your life drastically and couldn’t, don’t worry. You are not alone. Maybe you wanted to lose weight, become more social or make more money doing something you like. At first you were excited, you felt on top of the world, then you felt like you couldn’t stick to your plan and you reminded yourself how much you suck.  It’s a pattern a lot of people get into, they have the leverage to make a decision but don’t know how to plan things and they fail. Consider this my ultimate guide for drastic changes in life.


Why most people fail to change their lifes?

It’s not bad motivation, it’s bad planning.

  • They stop dreaming.
  • Short-term thinking.
  • Relying on willpower.
  • Bad planning.
  • Not knowing what they are capable of.

Inicial excitement

If you keep that initial excitement you will achieve success and hapiness, no doubt. If you trust it at the beginning you will crash at the beginning.

This is what I talked about in a past article (https://ivanperezs.wordpress.com/the-passion-of-life/). I’m sure you have experienced the loop I talked about at the beggining of this post a few times. At first that feeling is independent, they get excited because of the end goal. Then, they start to say to themselves ‘you can only feel like this is you do this huge amount of work’, they get trapped in the results game.

The initial excitement is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you can’t get your dreams if you don’t find your passions. Success doesn’t bring happiness, happiness doesn’t bring success. However, if you combine wisely both action and passion you will have success in the long run and happiness right now. On the other hand, it will confuse you and make you think you can do everything. You will set big short-term goals. Maybe you can accomplish them two or three days, but then you can’t.

The initial excitement made you feel on top of the world, the fall was painful. Why is this? Pain and pleasure, the twins you must control if you want to make a change.

Passion is the same as loads of pleasure, that’s why you have to keep the initial excitement. How?

Make sure your goal is your dream. It has to excite you just by thinking of it.

Think of that dream most of the time. It should be the first thing and the last thing you think about in the day. You should be actually dreaming about it during the night.

As you are taking action, remember your dream.  Get excited.

Reward yourself. Every action you take, no matter how small it is, should be celebrated.

Remind yourself how much you rock for taking action.

Forget about results at first.

Don’t link pain to your goals or to talking action. If you feel like a goal is something arduous, difficult, that you can’t do, you are linking bad feelings to doing it. You are sabotaging yourself.

Pressure or willpower only link more bad feelings. Even if you achieve your short-term goal, if you keep relying on them to get things done you will quit within days.

How to plan your change?

  1. Start small. Your first goals should be something you think it’s too easy.
  2. Do less, do better. Limit the number of things you do for your goal each day. Zen To Done (http://zenhabits.net) is a system that works well for me and a lot of people.
  3. Focus. Focus is a powerful tool. You shouldn’t be focusing on results, on what action you don’t take, on what you don’t have… but you should be really on what you do towards your goals.
  4. Think long-term. Set and plan at least one year goals.
  5. Include in your planning time so you can link good feelings to action and your dream.
  6. Have time for yourself. Take it easy, reward yourself with fun.
  7. Form successful habits.

Punishing yourself, setting way too big goals, wanting to do too much, losing the motivation because it wasn’t your dream, just going through the motions… there’s a long list of things like that you will find in your journey. It takes responsibility and work to come again to the right path. Now, tell me, what is your dream?

How to have a role model and actually learn something from it.

Have you ever admired somebody? I bet that at anything you tried to learn and master you watched carefully at those who did it way better than you. Everybody admires someone, everybody has a few role models. This is because of the human natural tendency to improve and feel fulfilled.

But having role models is not enough, you should actually ‘use them’ (I know how silly that sounds) and get something good from it. Focusing on people that are more advanced than you – your role models – will be intuitive after reading this. Let me help you.

Credit Oberazzi.

I’ll give you a few tips on ‘how to use’ a role model so you learn faster:

  1. Watch. This is probably the easiest, yet the most important one, thing you can do to learn from your role model. Watch so you know what they’re capable of do and you can have a direction to go. Set goals based on what you watch.
  2. Compare. Mastery is about little, subtle things. Don’t look for the tricks. Instead, watch your role model execute the basics and compare it to how you do it. Anyone can do a trick, but mastery is about the basics.
  3. Ask. If you are too good to ask for help and advice, forget learning. Do you have a problem? Don’t beat your head against the wall. There’s a lot of people in this world who have walked the path before you, and had a similar problem – if not the same. The clever thing to do is to ask, to make yourself a fool and admit that you can’t do it right now. Ask them for help, they will give you advice that will save you a lot of time.
  4. Tell. Instead of asking, you can also talk with them about the subject you both are passionate about. Thus, you will have a new friend who you will enjoy talking to. As you are talking you will inevitably say how you do something. Don’t be afraid, if you give an ‘I want to learn’ vibe he or she will notice it and the role model will rock your world with tons of things you can improve. A master sees in a second thousands of things that a newbie can improve.
  5. Show. Say to your role model that you want to show him or her what you can do and that you want some advice. Execute the thing. It’s similar – but better – to the tip above.
  6. Give. If you ‘are friends’ with your role model because you see him/her as a means to you learning you won’t get anything in the long-term. Don’t think about how can them help you. Help them, in a real authentic way, they will return because, you know what?, most people are really nice and kind ;].
  7. Understand. With all the advice, with everything you see, try to form strong principles. Try to understand what is more important and what works in each situation. This you will create a value system, that is like a personal role model.
  8. Imitate. Repeat exactly what they until you do something very similar. If you doubt, continue to repeat.

Those are the principles I apply to my learning and to teach. If you want more information on the topic start by reading my mate’s post The Law of Average Joes and then get the book Mastery, by George Leonard. Next time you admire someone apply these principles and you will get so good, if not more, than that person. And remember that, as my sifu says: ‘You can learn from everybody. I learn even from a white belt.’

Do you have any other ideas about the proper use of a role model? Write them in the comments section!